I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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