took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
