So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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