i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
