Your dad touched me again.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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