He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
