I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
