It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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