How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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