The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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