I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
