so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
