my phone needs a breathalizer
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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