Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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