You can't special order awesome
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
