what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
