where am i from again
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
