you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
