if only i could text you this smell
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
