good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I AM VODKA MAN
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
