WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
