can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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