it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
