Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
