therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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