I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
