Me too!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
