Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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