Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
