It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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