clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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