all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Everything about him screamed your future.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
