I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I want her autograph on my taint
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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