6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
