Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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