Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
