I want to have your abortion
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Cover your peen. We're going out.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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