Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
