How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
