The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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