can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You pole danced in your parka.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
