i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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