I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
