watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Watching her eat just hurts me
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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