Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
