That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
