her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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