this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
