I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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