There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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